What REALLY Happened
by chaoskittyn
Summary: What really happened to the FF8 crew during Kingdom Hearts


ZELL: *walks onto screen, looking all serious* Now, I bet you're all wondering what happened to us during the little. . ."Kingdom Hearts" rendezvous when Squall. . .ahem - LEON. . .makes another big debut and Selphie's flirting with Tidus and Wakka. Well, I'll tell you. . .  
  
SEIFER: *pushes Zell out of the way* Yes!  
  
ZELL: *sighs and shakes his head* Weeell. . .since we've OBVIOUSLY just disproved the rumors that we have all DIED. . .  
  
SEIFER: . . .Which we haven't!  
  
ZELL: Yeah, umm, anyway, since we're NOT dead, we've decided to tell you our story.  
  
SEIFER: And put on a show for you! *rips off shirt and flexes* *turns around. . .only to find millions of fan boys and one fan girl in the back* *fan girl faints* *Seifer's jaw drops* *quickly puts on trenchcoat and hugs chest*  
  
FAN GIRL: *regains consciousness* *holds up sign that reads "Moirae Luvs Ya!!"*  
  
SEIFER: *runs away crying*  
  
FAN GIRL: *chases*  
  
ZELL: *abashed* Okaaay. . .So, anyway, continuing, we're gonna tell you the story. *turns around* Irvine! Roll the film!!  
  
IRVINE: *does a thumbs-ups* *turns to the reel and bumps his head on a pole that mysteriously appeared before him out of nowhere* *gets up* I'm okay!! *pushes play button*  
  
ZELL: *shakes head and walks off*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
ZELL: *runs into the Quad to find everyone* *is out of breath* Hot. . .dogs. . .something. . .funny. . .  
  
SELPHIE: WHAT?? Funny hot dogs? Wonder if they know any good jokes. . .  
  
QUISTIS: Yeah, like the one that Irvine told us about the cold-  
  
IRVINE: *interrupts* NO!!  
  
SEPLPHIE: *clueless* The what?  
  
IRVINE: *sinking further into his chair* Nothing, Sefie. . .  
  
ZELL: *finally catches breath* *as if nothing happened* The hot dogs taste funny, guys! I finally get my hands on some, and it's like the lunch ladies decide to use Martian SPORES in 'em or something.  
  
SEPLHIE: Spores??  
  
RINOA: Did you ask anyone about what was wrong? Maybe you just ate a bad one.  
  
ZELL: *sarcastically* And maybe the OTHER five were bad too!!  
  
RINOA: . . .  
  
IRVINE: *sighs* So much for lunch. . .  
  
ZELL: *cutting off Irvine, fists in the air with new passion* No! This case can NOT go unsolved! We must figure it out!!  
  
SELPHIE: *jumping into the air* Yeah! No corners unturned, not table sheveled, no tray clean. . .and no lunch lady unquestioned!!  
  
QUISTIS: Is that a word?  
  
SELPHIE: Who cares!!  
  
QUISTIS: *shrugs* What the heck. . .I'm in!  
  
IRVINE: Me too!  
  
Selphie, Quistis, Zell, and Irvine are standing now, waiting for the other two to join in.  
  
RINOA and SQUALL: *shrugging* Whatever. . .  
  
SELPHIE: *cheering* Yeah! The gang's all here!! Let us pursue our destiny!!!  
  
ZELL: *under his breath to Squall* I think she's more into this than I am.  
  
SQUALL: . . . . . . . . . .  
  
Suddenly, Seifer jumps from behind the bushes, scaring the crap out of Selphie. . .but luckily, not literally.  
  
QUISTIS: *uneasy* WHAT were you doing back there?  
  
SEIFER: *shuffling feet* Fishing. . .  
  
IRVINE: In the fountain??  
  
SEIFER: Yup! I LOVE to fish!!  
  
SELPHIE: *eyes wide* Ooooooooo. . .did ya catch anything?  
  
SEIFER: *sulkily* No. . .  
  
ZELL: *clearing throat* Well, are we going?  
  
SEPLHIE: *jumping up and down* Yes, yes, yes! Let's go!!  
  
ALL (except Rinoa and Squall): OKAY!!!  
  
RINOA: *sighs*  
  
SQUALL: . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Later. . .  
  
All of the gang are assembled outside of the Cafeteria. Zell has begun briefing them on their new mission.  
  
ZELL: All right. Here's what we do. . .  
  
SEIFER: *raises hand*  
  
ZELL: *taps foot impatiently* What?  
  
SEIFER: I have to go to the bathroom.  
  
SELPHIE: *grumbles*  
  
ZELL: *waves him off* Go. But be quick.  
  
SEIFER: Yay! *skips off*  
  
QUISTIS and IRVINE: *sigh*  
  
SQUALL: *blinks* . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
ZELL: Forget him for now. We're busy. So, here's the deal. Tonight, around dinnertime, we all head out for point A, the Cafeteria. Selphie will-  
  
SELPHIE: *waving hand in the air* Oooooo, OOOoooooooooooo, what do we wear?  
  
ZELL: You'll be in your normal clothes, but the rest of us will be in black. They can't see us that way. We'll practically be invisible.  
  
All look at Squall.  
  
SELPHIE: *nudges Rinoa* Ever think that he's on this never-ending super- secret mission we don't know about?  
  
*James Bond music plays*  
  
RINOA: *giggles*  
  
SQUALL: . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
ZELL: As I was saying, Selphie will distract everyone, and we'll get into the back and take the formula!!  
  
QUISTIS: Zell, hot dogs are made with recipes, not formulas.  
  
ZELL: Well these aren't human! They're friggin MUTATED, I tell ya!!  
  
SEIFER: *comes skipping back* What'd I miss?  
  
ZELL: *sighs* Allot.  
  
SEIFER: *under his breath* Chicken-wuss. . .  
  
ZELL: *punches air* WHAT did you call me??  
  
SEFIER: *laughs* *snorts*  
  
*Silence*  
  
CRICKETS: *chirp*  
  
QUISTS: *sprays Raid*  
  
CRICKETS: *die*  
  
ZELL: Are you in or no, Seifer?  
  
SEIFER: *crosses arms* Not. In fact, I MAY just tell Cid!!  
  
ZELL: *glaring* You wouldn't. . .  
  
QUISTIS: Of COURSE he wouldn't. Would you, Seifer? *bats eyelashes seductively*  
  
SEIFER: *bashfully* 'Course not, Quisty.  
  
QUISTIS: *grins triumphantly at Zell*  
  
ZELL: *shakes his head, amazed*  
  
SELPHIES: *begins singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" while waving arms around in the air enthusiastically*  
  
SEIFER: *offended* Am not!!  
  
QUISTIS: I know. *winkwink*  
  
All look at her, pure horror in their eyes.  
  
QUISTIS: Stop being so mean! *goes to a corner and cries*  
  
SQUALL: Okaaay. . .that was odd.  
  
Now, all stare at him.  
  
SQUALL: *clears throat* . . .whatever. . .  
  
SEIFER: HYNE, you people are bakas. . .  
  
SELPHIE: *singing* I don't know, what words I can say. The wind has a way to talk to me. The flowers, they sleep a silent lullaby. I pray for reply, I'm ready. . .  
  
SEIFER: Oh, will you SHUT UP already?  
  
SELPHIE: *pouts* *kicks Seifer in the shin*  
  
SEIFER: *grabs leg in pain* *curses at Selphie* *runs away to hide his tears*  
  
SELPHIE: *laughing* *catches breath* I never knew that there were so many. . .WORDS!!  
  
ZELL: *holds forehead* Aspirin . . .  
  
SQUALL: . . . . . . . . . . .  
  
RINOA: *laughing madly*  
  
Quistis: *rejoins the group and frowns* Bakas.  
  
RINOA: *still laughing, but suddenly there is no sound*  
  
ZELL: *mouths something then pumps his fists in the air*  
  
SELPHIE: *silently cheers, jumping up and down*  
  
RINOA: *grabs Squall's arm*  
  
SQUALL: *raises eyebrows*  
  
Suddenly, it looks as if the tape has been cut.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
ZELL: Irvine! What's going on?  
  
IRVINE: *shrugs* It's defiantly not the reels. . .or, at least it wasn't a minute ago. . .  
  
ZELL: *rushes over* You didn't tear them, did you?  
  
IRVINE: *innocently* No. . .  
  
ZELL: Great! What do we do now?  
  
IRVINE: *examining projector* Well, the sound went out, so I tried to fix it.  
  
ZELL: Why did the sound go out?  
  
SEIFER: *rushing onto the scene* *he stops before the other two standing like a bad Superman impersonator* I cut the sound!  
  
ZELL and IRVINE: WHAT??  
  
ZELL: Why?  
  
SEIFER: *scratching head* I just remembered how mean you guys were. . .  
  
IRVINE: WE were mean. . .??  
  
ZELL: *sighs* Irvine, just fix it.  
  
IRVINE: *puts the reels back in place* *presses play*  
  
Zell, Irvine, and Seifer watch it on the wall for a second.  
  
IRVINE: Great, thanks a BUNCH, Seifer. You made us skip a whole scene!  
  
SEIFER: Hey, YOU cut the tape!  
  
IRVINE: *quickly* No I didn't!!  
  
ZELL: Come on guys, let's just play it. That part wasn't important anyway. *pulls down projector screen*  
  
IRVINE: *from behind screen* *whispering* Does the sound work?  
  
SEIFER: We would be able to tell if you'd shut up!  
  
*sound of punching*  
  
SEIFER: OWWW!!!! *cries*  
  
IRVINE: *applauds*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Irvine, Zell, Rinoa, Quistis, and Squall are behind the counter, hiding from the eyes of the lunch ladies, waiting to get the signal from Selphie, who has yet to arrive to her position. Everyone is in black, except Squall who only closed his jacket. Seifer is there, also, waiting for something to mess up. He is at a table, pretending to eat his dinner.  
  
SELPHIE: *comes bouncing in dressed in a poof-y pink dress* *stops in front of the counter, where the lunch ladies are eyeing her* Hehehehee, it's just me! Selphie! Acting NORMAL!! *twirls skirt* Ain't it PRETTY?? I picked it up this morning at the costume shop in Esthar.  
  
SEIFER: *stares* *begins to laugh hysterically* *falls out of chair backwards* Owww. . .  
  
SELPHIE: *turning to Seifer* Shhhhh!!!! You're supposed to be QUIET!!! *stomps foot*  
  
SEIFER: *with horrified look on his face* Yes Ma'am!! *gets into seat and quickly sits at attention*  
  
SELPHIE: *sighing* At ease.  
  
SEIFER: *releasing breath of relief and twiddling thumbs*  
  
SELPHIE: *turning back to the lunch ladies, her usual carefree self* Can I please have a hot dog? Pretty please?  
  
LUNCH LADY 1: *uneasy* I'm sorry Miss Tilmitt, we're all out for today. Mr. Almasy took the last one.  
  
SEIFER: *snickers*  
  
SELPHIE: *glares at Seifer evilly* *attacks*  
  
ZELL: *from behind stack of trays* *whispering* When I told her to cause a distraction. . .  
  
QUITSIS: *in awe* Wow, she's good.  
  
*sound of battle cry in the background*  
  
QUISTIS: *sweat drop* o.O  
  
IRVINE: *excitedly* LET'S GO!!! *runs to the back and glomps trays of hot dogs*  
  
TRAYS: *fall to the floor in a noisy clatter*  
  
RINOA: Great! Now you've just alerted every lunch lady and student within the galaxy-  
  
All look up to find the three lunch ladies frowning down at them.  
  
LUNCH LADY 3: *tsktsk* If you kids wanted some, you should've come sooner. You set Selphie up again, didn't you Zell?  
  
IRVINE: *glaring at Zell* What does she mean, AGAIN??  
  
ZELL: *embarrassed* Umm. . .heheh?  
  
IRVINE: *attacks Zell*  
  
LUNCH LADY 1: *breaks up fight*  
  
ZELL: *cries in pain*  
  
LUNCH LADY 1: Now Irvine, was that really. . .  
  
IRVINE: *growls*  
  
LUNCH LADY 2: *picks up each of the five troublemakers and pushes them out into the main Cafeteria* Now, don't let us catch you again, aye?  
  
ZELL: *under his breath* Memo to me: don't let lunch ladies catch me next time. . .  
  
Zell, Irvine, Quistis, and Rinoa are now standing before Headmaster Cid up on the third floor. Seifer, for some odd reason, is there as well. We are still debating on the reason, though it was probably to tell on Selphie for beating him up earlier.  
  
IRVINE: *holds up hands as if arrested* I swears to ya, Headmaster, sir. It was the Zell, not I!!  
  
QUISTIS, ZELL, RINOA, and CID: *sweatdrop*  
  
SEIFER: @_@;;  
  
CID: *clears throat* Now, you all are SeeDs!! We should be able to expect better from you. . .  
  
RINOA: *under her breath to Zell* Told ya so. . .  
  
ZELL: *loudly* Shut up!!  
  
CID: Zell!! WHAT did you say??  
  
ZELL: o.O N-nothing, s-sir. . .It was R-  
  
CID: Silence!! *pounds his hand on the desk like a gavel* Now, you four are to be punished! *points at Zell* No hot dogs for a month!! Restriction to only your dorm!!!  
  
ZELL: *sinks to his knees* NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
CID: *points at Irvine* No socializing!! You are on restriction to go anywhere besides the training center or your dorm!!!!!!!  
  
IRVINE: *jaw drops*  
  
SEIFER: *chuckles*  
  
CID: *to Quistis* You are to send them their work via the Internet, and NO CELL PHONE!!!  
  
QUISTIS: *cries*  
  
SEIFER: *stifles back laughter*  
  
CID: *to Rinoa* You!! You are to deliver Irvine and Zell their lunches!!! And you must make them!!!!!!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
RINOA: O.O B-But. . .sir, I can't-  
  
CID: Nonsense!! The lunch ladies were HAPPY to agree to help you.  
  
LUNCH LADIES: *from the back of the room* *evil maniacal laughter*  
  
SEIFER: *bursts out laughing*  
  
CID: *points at Seifer* See. . . *stops when he notices Seifer rolling around on the floor* *sweatdrop* Well, I WAS going to call him a model student, but. . .  
  
ZELL: After all that trouble, won't you at least tell us something?  
  
CID: *sighs* And what might that be, Mr. Dincht?  
  
ZELL: *at the top of his lungs* WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH THE HOT DOGS??  
  
LUNCH LADY 3: Oh that's easy. Those were the TOFU dogs.  
  
ALL: O.O *jaws drop*  
  
CID: *;;*  
  
IRVINE: Hey, Sefie, did you hear that? It was only tofu. . .  
  
All look around.  
  
QUISTIS: Where's Selphie?  
  
RINOA: And Squall?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
ZELL: And, unbeknownst to us, they had vanished into a space-time continuum!! Where they were lost forever!!!!!!!!  
  
SEIFER: *wipes tear from corner of his eye* And never to be found.  
  
IRVINE and ZELL: *stare*  
  
IRVINE: *clears throat* Well, I did get a message from Selphie the other day. . .  
  
ZELL: Really?? What'd it say??  
  
IRVINE: *again clears throat* *straightens up* *pretends to be reading off of important scroll* "Hey, this is Selphie. How is everyone? I am fine on Destiny Island. Did we win?? PS - Send more hot dogs."  
  
SEIFER and ZELL: *stand in a daze*  
  
RINOA: *runs out on screen dragging Quistis by the hand* *bows in front of the guys*  
  
QUISTIS: *does the same* *pulls down curtain*  
  
QUISTIS and RINOA: *from the other side* END!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Need. . .reviews. . . All right. Yep. I had to change it a little. I guess I was in such a hurry to post it, I forgot the punch line the first time! Stupid me, nai? Er- um, thanks Grasshopper for pointing that out. And just to be nice, I'll give her credit. When Seifer flexes at the beginning: that was her idea. That and his actions in the story were meant to get under Moirae's skin. And any reviewers: LOVE YA!!!!!! |~| Kitty |~| 


End file.
